


The Sorrow Singers

by VioletteSphynx82



Series: The Sorrow Singers [1]
Category: AFI, Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-08-17
Updated: 2012-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-22 17:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/240596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletteSphynx82/pseuds/VioletteSphynx82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davey Havok and Adam Lambert meet for the first time in a California night club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darling, I Want to Destroy You

**Author's Note:**

> I have decided to make this the first chapter of The Sorrow Singers Series.
> 
> Please comment and leave any advice you may have. I am open to and wanting suggestions!

_**Everyone knows who he is, and everyone loves him. He’s young. He has a lot of learning to do, and he’s sticking out like a sore thumb. But the way these lights are hitting his body, I’m sure no one knows who he is. Perhaps they think he’s just a look alike**_. Davey snickers to himself. He decides that watching the stranger has given him enough pleasure for the night and decides to head home. The lights reflect on his sparkling, sugarplum eye shadow and it catches the stranger’s eye for a second. When he turns to see whose magnificent eyes are beneath it, the beautiful figure of Davey Havok appears before him. _ **This stranger in the dark that I have been watching… is Adam Lambert?**_

Davey clears his throat before speaking, “ Hey.”

“Whoa, Hi… Davey… Davey Havok?” Adam says nervously, putting on a pseudo-confidence that Davey notes right away by raising an eyebrow.

“None other than”

Adam reaches out and grabs Davey by the hand and pulls him toward the club exit. “Hey lets talk” _**Wow, that was fast.**_ He thinks to himself.

“Are you sure we should go out there like this? You know there is a such thing as paparazzi?”

“Yes, I know this is a private club, which means private FINES!”

_**He’s a lot more oblivious than I thought. Well he is new at this fame thing.**_ “Um, hold on a sec.” Davey sends a text to a club promoter who spreads the word that Davey Havok is leaving through the back of the club. There is a loud commotion outside, and the bouncers stir as the paparazzi moves quickly around the corner. “Lets go now.”

They walk out normally as not to draw attention to themselves and enter Davey’s car that they decided to walk to so they could appear more like average people and not like Davey Havok and Adam Lambert.

“So, I’ve kinda followed your lead this whole night really”

“How’s that?”

“You just seem so laid back and like you’ve been doing this forever, you’ve hardly had any attention drawn to you this whole night but you still remain social. I can’t even take a sip of my drink without someone being like, “Oh my God! Adam Lambert” I guess it just gets old after a while. Or something, I don’t know.”

“That’s kinda where you went wrong, if you act stiff and like you don’t want to be noticed you’ll stick out like a sore thumb… You did. You’re still stargazing too. I saw you’re face when I walked past… or maybe I was wrong… maybe the lights just betrayed us.”

“That was artistic.”

“Well I am Davey Havok. It’s a given. And no I’m not being conceited, I’m just saying.”

“I know… and yes I think you were wrong. I wasn’t stargazing; I was admiring your beauty. And I know the reason you walked by was to admire mine too, and get me to approach you or follow. Why do you think I’m in your car?”

“Good point, but what makes you think I was thinking the same thing you are? I know what you want and I know what you’re expecting. And if you pay attention to media, you know I don’t fall under that category and that I have a beautiful girlfriend who’s a model”

“Yes, but I also know that if that wasn’t what you were looking for, and if you were so “concerned” about your model girlfriend you would have said goodnight, asked for my number in case I wanted to do a collabo and then texted me yours a few minutes later. But you didn’t do that, you made an elaborate scheme to get out of there unnoticed.

“Oh, ha ha ha!”

“And you know what else? You could have just talked to the press and explained that we were gonna go to you’re studio or to grab a bite to eat. Which we would have done…”

“At almost two in the morning?” Davey says sarcastically.

“Well, you know?”

Davey giggles slightly, “Yes I know, I’m just giving you a hard time, chill. I am going to take you home. Don’t be so scared… but I warn you now… I like to bite.” Davey growls when he finishes this sentence. Just as he does, the car rolls smoothly into the driveway of his modest San Diego studio flat. “Well here we are?” They make their way up and inside.

_  
**I wonder if he knows how much I want kiss him right now… ok contain yourself Davey you can do this. Just make it inside, and offer him a drink, talk for at least 15 minutes and then move in for the kill… unless he takes over then skip the drink and talk after. No, talk first, drink after… *mental sigh* Go with the flow.**  
_

“Wow, this is a nice place you have here! Dang I want a pad like this… Well not like “this” because that would make me a stalker and that would be awkward”  
 _ **Alrighty then, offer the drink. Before he goes any further.**_ “Do you want a drink?”

“Yeah, what do you have?”

“Water… Soda… Juice…”

Adam makes a confused face “Um, not exactly what I had in mind but…”

“Please tell me you knew I was straight edge?

“OH ha ha ha ha ha ha… Just testing you.”

“Right…Here ya go” Davey hands him a glass of chilled water.

“Thanks. So… what do you wanna do after we finish this water?

“Well, what did you come here for?”

Giving Davey a sarcastic facial expression, “To see if you have Fallout 3”

“You’re not funny. And yes I do… Worse ending ever!”

“Ahhh Dude! Don’t ruin it for me” Adam and Davey laugh in unison. “So, tell me something about your self.”

“OK, I have a confession to make… I’ve been watching you since your Idol days.”

“Wow really? Would you wanna shock the world and come out as a couple or keep us quiet? Davey you know that after I leave here tonight… I’m going to come back… I want your body tonight, but I’m gonna want more than that when we wake up tomorrow.”

“Yeah… I know… me too… I’ve just never been one to enjoy my fame. I won’t even take pictures with fans sometimes, I yelled at some girl for taking video of… anyways. I don’t know if you believe in this kind of thing but I started falling in love with you vicariously about three years ago. I knew you weren’t straight caused I watched the way your body moved on stage… well more like your soul. I wanted to get to know you from that very moment. The way you eyes shined so brightly and the way your voice just melted from your throat. And the words your lips sang so softly. It was like those songs were all your own and now you’re on your own telling your own story. I guess I just made myself apart of that… I’m rambling”

“No what you’re saying is very beautiful, be careful you may get a song written about you. Lot’s of the people that know me say I have “Swift Syndrome”. I would hate to unintentionally put you out like that”

“Yeah, I’d just make a billboard or something”

“Ha ha” Davey says sarcastically, “You’re not funny mister”

Davey moves closer to his prey. He contemplates whether he wants to take advantage of the situation and exploit his naïve victim knowing that all the things he says are just going to destroy him in the end. _ **I can’t do this to him… he really likes me… but not because I’m Davey Havok but because he looks up to me. Finally someone who appreciates me for what I am and not who I am and I’m just going to ruin it… I’m just going to destroy him. I don’t have to… but I’m just so used to being alone. Jade and I are just friends with benefits and sometimes I think I need more than that. I need love. I am not a god, as most people would like to think, I am human.**_

Davey leans in and barely presses his lips to Adams. His breath quivers, and he shuts his eyes deciding to hold on to the moment for as long as he can. After a long time, Davey pulls his lips away, caresses Adam’s face and looks down at the hardwood floor swimming in the motions that are going through him now. Trying to figure out what he should do. Adam stares deeply into Davey’s eyes and Davey is staring as well. He swallows hard, “Adam… I can’t… I can’t do this, Adam” A sharp pain invades his chest.

“Why? What did I do?” Pain is also evident on Adams soft girlish face.

“You didn’t do anything. I swear. I can’t do this to you. You’re better than that. You deserve better than that. You are the first person who has recognized me for who and what I am and I just can’t break you like that. You know, break your trust?”

“What are you talking about? What do you mean I don’t deserve that?”

“Adam you are a beautiful person… and… I… I… I don’t know how to say this.”

“How to say what?”

“Darling, I want to destroy you.”


	2. Breathless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey has been hiding who he really is from Adam; who finally leaves him.

“I tried to tell you that I love you! You walked away from me… again!” Adam screamed as he turned his back on me. “How come every time we get into this situation you always ask me if I love you? The person that should be answering this question IS YOU!” Tears began to stream down his face and he couldn’t help but start to sob as frustration hit him like a ton of bricks.

“There are things that I keep inside for a reason.” I said frankly. “I’ve told you I love you time after time after time! It’s your fault you don’t believe me and it’s your fault that we’re going through this again!” I am annoyed now.

I watched Adam while he covered his face; he always did this when he was contemplating whether or not he wanted to speak honestly. “You know… all I want is to be open and out there. Everyone knows the truth about me. But you? You refuse to tell the truth. So what if you’re gay and you’re with Adam Lambert? So what if your precious face finds the limelight for a short time. Eventually the hype will die down and we’ll be left alone. You’ll go back to the Davey Havok you were; the one that hides from the world, and denies who he is, and what he wants solely because of a damaged reputation or rumors or whatever the case may be. People have been calling you out on your sexuality since A.F.I. began. Even your fans refuse to believe you’re straight!”

“How do you know what my fans believe?” I asked angrily, raising my voice slightly. “Of all the things you keep inside LOVE is NOT one of them! I’m getting so sick and tired of you trying to force me out. I have never gone on record saying anything concerning that subject one way or another, so what are you talking about?”

I wait patiently for the answer to these queries but I get none.

“Why does it matter so much to you? You know what I really am. You know who I really am. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Silence has never been my favorite thing. My mother used to say that’s why the music I make is so loud. It’s like pressure that keeps on building and building. Sometimes I think it’s that atmospheric pressure change that makes me want to tear my flesh off. I’m sure you too know the feeling.

Unable to bear the silence any longer I spoke, softly, as not to startle myself with the volume of my own voice as I sometimes do when I feel overwhelmed. “Isn’t that enough?”

I refused to let myself look at him. I didn’t want to read his face; I didn’t want to look him in the eyes. “Adam, is that enough for you?” I started to get impatient with the growing tension and silence again. My stomach in knots, my head pounding as my blood pressure built, oxygen had a hard time of finding its way to my lungs. I thought I already knew the answer to this question so I prodded harder to get the answer. I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. I would always be enough no matter what. “Adam!”

“I can’t love you. I wanted to but I just don’t know who you are… anymore. I thought…” I see tears stream down Adam’s face again. “I don’t know you. I never have. I have a feeling I never will... You are so secluded and private you even shut out the people who care most. Does your family even know the real you? Or only what you let them see, because that’s how I feel. I know what you want me to know. I gave you everything! Every part of me! I never hid anything from you! It hurts too much. So, no, that isn’t enough for me and how dare you try to say that it is!”

I felt the whole world rock and sway beneath my feet and like God himself had reached down and pulled the air from my lungs. My knees were weak and my vision blurred. I don’t want to stand but I can’t sit. I felt the urge to vomit as the pounding in my head intensified and I found it even harder to breathe. It’s the same feeling you get when you’ve been punched in the stomach. How could this possibly be happening? I swallowed hard, getting that urge to cry in my throat which made suppressing the gag reflex even more difficult.

After a long time I found my voice. “So you’re leaving?”

I tried to say as calmly as possible not wanting to hint that I was feeling any real emotion. I stared into his eyes, centered my thoughts and fought the burning that I had to cry. In that one moment all the energy was sapped from my body, I wanted to sleep more than anything but I held on to every piece of him nonetheless. I swallowed another lump in my throat in preparation for his response. He turned towards the door and gently set his hand on the unlocked knob. There was yet another long and dreaded silence in the room before his response.

“Yes Davey, I’m leaving you. Please don’t try to stop me. Don’t call me or text me, or email me, or anything. If I want to talk to you I’ll contact you.”

With a quick flick of the wrist the door swung open, his leather jacket swung over his shoulder and he edged his slender frame around and out the partially open door. He let it slam behind him.

I didn't cry that day. Instead, I slept.


	3. Vegeteria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade sees right through Davey and invites him out to lunch to see what's going on?

It was 5:47 in the afternoon by the time I woke up. I had a couple of strange dreams, and a miserable, longing in my heart that told me Adam was going to be here when I woke. Although I knew it wasn’t true, my heart still managed to skip a beat. I don’t know why it hurt so much. After all, he had been right. I only gave him what I thought he should have and I kept telling myself that I would give him more eventually. I would let him in eventually. He would know all of my secrets. 

“Don’t call me or text me, or email me, or anything. If I want to talk to you I’ll contact you.” I kept playing this over and over again in my head. I wanted to reach out to him and tell him I was sorry. I wanted to beg him to come back and swear that I’d change and that he would know my deepest darkest secrets. Instead, I didn’t dare call or text. I sat there and waited for him to reach to me instead. After a while of sitting there I decided to call Jade so that he wouldn’t worry.   
He answered on the second ring:

-Hey! Where have you been all day?

-Um, home? Why?

-I tried calling you a few times.

I glanced down at my phone before replying and noticed that I had missed three calls. 

-Yeah, sorry about that I was sleeping.

I hoped and prayed that the sadness in my voice was well hidden. I knew Jade was always the one that could see right through anything I was trying to hide even when he was miles away.

-What’s wrong Davey? You sound down. Did something happen with Adam? 

-Yeah he left earlier today. 

-You never get this down when he’s gone. Did you get in another fight?

I hesitated for a second. I didn’t know whether or not I wanted to tell him exactly what happened or if I wanted to keep it at bay for a while. I decided to tell him just for the sake of not having to go through it another day. 

-He left me as in: we broke up.

-What? Why?

-He said something along the lines of he doesn’t know me and he never will. He’s also upset because I won’t come out. I really hurt him this time. I told him that he knew the truth about who I was and then I made the mistake of asking if that was enough. He said no. He told me he couldn’t love me then he left. After that, he told me not to call, text, or email or contact him in any way. And he let the door slam behind him.

\- Wow, You really did it this time. Hey you know what, why don’t I come get you so we can go somewhere and talk?

-Do you know somewhere quiet?

-Well, what time were you thinking on going? 

-As soon as you get here.

-Alright hold on.

I heard come clattering in the background. I knew from this sound Jade was checking his IPhone for places to go with as little traffic as possible. I knew also that he would look for someplace on the outskirts of town that neither of us had heard of or that he’d only been to once. I didn’t care as long as it was Vegan.

-What about this place called The Vegetaria. It’s new. I’ve been there once… Vegan heaven.

-That sounds good.

Jade told me he’d see me soon, I said ok and the line went dead.


	4. Voices. Longing. Loneliness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey finally begins to acknowledge Jade's feelings for him but why now? After all, he IS in love with Adam... right?

  
We arrived at the restaurant and split an organic fruit salad and got giant Vanilla Soy shakes. I sat in silence for a while and Jade waited for me to say something. It wasn’t as bad sitting in silence this time because there were the typical sounds of a restaurant in the back ground. It seems like every single place of business in the United States is tuned to the same radio station. 

“God, I really can’t believe he left this time.” I kept staring at my salad and pushing a half-eaten strawberry around my plate. 

“What are you going to do? I mean, I know he told you not to call him or anything but are you going to try anyway? Maybe it’ll change his mind if you do reach out even though he told you not to.” Jade was a random person. He started rambling about how good the shakes were while I thought about what he said. He knew I didn’t mind him talking while I thought. It actually helped me think.

“I did think about calling him when I woke up but I figured it would just piss him off again. I’ve never loved anyone like this. I feel so lost without him.” I could see by the look on Jade’s face that he was slightly perturbed by what I said. Many times I forgot that he had feelings for me. It was obvious to all of us. 

_I’ve always loved you Davey. Why can’t you just love me back?_

We were so connected that sometimes I could literally hear his thoughts. I rarely entertained the idea of us being together. Perhaps now was the time.

“This really sucks for the both of us really. Memory and I ended a couple weeks ago and now you and Adam.” He looked down at his hands sitting in his lap trying to think of what to say next or how to say it.

“Memory was a psycho anyway. Was that even her real name? If not, she should change it. It fits.” I laughed at my own joke and prepared myself for what the reply may be. I could tell he wasn’t offended by what I said and that he was actually attempting to stifle his own laughter.   
He stared at me for a while thinking up his own insult. “Yeah, that was her real name. It was on her license at least. But what I really want to know is who would name there kid that in the first place? Hey! Quit avoiding the subject!” He gave me a prying glance and pretended to hold up a magnifying glass like Sherlock Holmes. I knew what was really on my mind and I knew what I really wanted to say to him. We were the last couple of people in the restaurant. All the others were starting to filter out as it was approaching closing time. Jade and I chuckled at the fact that we were both playing with half-eaten strawberries. Eventually I ended up giving him the rest of my shake that had just over two sips missing from it. He slowly drank that one down and ranted about how good it was and ended up buying another before finally calling it a night. I giggled on the inside thankful all the more that we were straightedge and alcohol never passed our lips.

It seemed like something was on his mind. I could see he was turning something over on the tip of his tongue. He just refused to say it aloud. 

_I hope he comes to bed with me tonight. Please come home with me Davey._

I wondered if he knew that I knew his internal battles like I did. We knew that if either of us died we would haunt each other for the rest of our lives. Well, he’d come back as a squirrel and run up my pant leg. 

I wanted to leave and let him take me back to his place where I would insist on sleeping on the couch and then find some excuse for the both of us to go into his bedroom. I didn’t want anything. I just wanted to be in his arms. No, I wanted to be in someone’s arms because along with silence I detested being alone.


	5. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey calls Adam, nearly dies and then gets closer to Jade than ever before.

So I finally decided to crash at Jade’s place. I decided that I needed to be with someone, because I couldn’t stand to be alone right now. I didn’t know what I would do and I really needed someone to help me keep my mind off of Adam after he distinctly asked me not to contact him for any reason. I wanted to apologize so bad I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to get over this so we could go home and hold each other again. I was so miserable  
nothing else mattered. No one seemed to exist. Not even Jade.

“Davey, are you okay? Do you want something to drink?”

“No, my stomach is killing me right now. It’s those dang butterflies, but it’s like these kind have razor-edged wings.” I wrung my hands which were shaking and incredibly clammy, cold but burning all at the same time. I’ve never felt like this! Ever! Not even on stage. Without thinking I pulled my  
phone out of my pocket and dialed Adams number.

*ring *ring *ring *ring

-Hey this is Adam! I can’t get to the phone right now, so leave a message or something. Thanks!

***BEEP!!!**

I rapidly and frantically pressed the END button, and let out a loud miserable groan. _**That was stupid, now he’s really gonna be mad. Gosh! What did I do that for? STUPID! STUPID! STUPID**_! I repeatedly smacked myself in the forehead with my phone.

“Dude, talk about extreme facepalm! What did you just do?” Giving me his “mom” look, Jade sat down next to me.

“Ugh! I just called Adam, which was mistake number one, and then I got his machine and like an idiot I didn’t say anything which in turn was mistake numero two!” I cover my face with my hands and tried to force back the tears but I could suppress them any longer. I hid my face when they finally began to fall. Jade put his arm around me as my body began to shake from sobs and tremendous gasps. I never knew I could hurt this much. Me? I always seemed so perfect on the outside; with my stoic face and secure demeanor. 

“I can’t take this anymore!” I leaped off the couch and made for the door. I don’t even remember going down the stairs. It was almost as if I’d taken them in one step. The cool city air felt nice against my face, and when I got to the sidewalk I did not stop. I just kept right on walking.

Finally, snapping back to reality. “Jade! What is wrong with you?” I ask pulling away frantically.

“What?” Jade asks confused.

“Why are you holding me like that?”

“Hey, if your into getting hit by cars that’s your prerogative, I’m just not gonna let you do it on my watch.” Jade blinks at me while trying to figure out what’s going on. “How many times have I told you not to space out while you’re walking?”

“Are you serious? How long was I gone this time?” I ask embarrassed now.

“Oh, you’ve been gone since a few minutes before you jumped off my couch like a rabid cat or something.”

I noticed that there was a car stopped a few feet away from us; I put him into a headlock and pulled him onto the sidewalk while I screamed, “And you let me walk all the way out here! I could have died you know! The lead singer of AFI is not supposed to die!” I laugh at my own ridiculous joke knowing I could never be so conceited.

Jade began to strum an air guitar while singing the chorus to “You’re So Vain”. He used the voice he does to mock me, he doesn’t move his tongue while he speaks or in this case, sings. He even added my infamous ‘Oh’ at the end. Gosh, its times like these when I remember why we’re best friends.  
“Hey! That’s copyrighted mister!” Jade rolled his eyes at me reminding me that “Dude, you’re not even that famous.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“What are you gonna do now?”

“Well first I’m gonna start with getting some sleep. Then we’ll figure the rest out later.”

As Jade and I started to head back inside I could feel his eyes on me. I feel that he wanted to say something but instead choose not to as usual. _Hey Davey, you don’t have to sleep on the couch. You could sleep in my bed… with me. Only as friends though if you want_. I turned to him, stopped dead in my tracks, and grabbed his face locking my fingers behind his head. “Jade… if you ever have anything to say, anything at all. Just say it. Just say it.” I held his gaze, our faces mere inches away from one another. So close his lips brushed mine as I spoke.


End file.
